I cockslap morals
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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