she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
