I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
