She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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