apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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