we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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