CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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