I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
