White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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