Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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