so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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