and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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