What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's like iHOP with fire
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
