I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
