you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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