i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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