I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
