Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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