I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so explain again why im purple
no
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
