I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
