So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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