Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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