So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
