why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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