Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
