Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
