im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
