I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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