she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
