Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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