Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
