I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
