My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
