I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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