I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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