should my penis look like a turkey
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
