When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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