I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
