You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
