i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
