ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
