the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
