road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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