Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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