Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
