It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
third nipple confirmed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You are a genius and a whore.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
