Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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