Your face is a jimmy john
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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