It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
