i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
