I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
