Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
