Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
